It’s amazing how often we try to stand out from everyone else by fitting in better than anyone else. The title of champion or victor is given to the one who does what many others do, just better or faster or more often. We want to show others that we’re like them by doing what they do and at the same time display our uniqueness by demonstrating our superior skills.
There’s a danger however with fitting in. Fitting in provides great soil for the seeds of mediocrity but poor conditions for true excellence to sprout. If you’re doing what others are doing simply for the sake of doing what others are doing then what you’re doing isn’t doing much even if you’re doing it better than all the others are doing. Okay, so you’re probably not counting to see if that sentence was 140 characters or less. (It’s 190 by the way and that’s without a hashtag or handle so save the Tweet.) Let me explain it another way.
It’s good to have a sense of belonging in a community but fitting in is not required. And doing well at what others are doing is perfectly fine if it provides the following.
- Authenticity – Does what you are doing authentically reflect who you are? Life is first and foremost about who we are and what we do needs to flow from the best of who we are. When our actions give others a true sense of our identity it builds trust and relationship, which in turn helps to build leadership.
- Growth – Does what you are doing help you to grow? Do you gain a clearer self understanding? Does it move you towards a personal vision? Is your focus not on being better than them but on becoming more than you were?
- Service – Does what you are doing serve others? Does it help them to grow as individuals? Does it bring us together as a community? Rather than trying to best them are you working to better them?
- Inspiration – Does what you are doing inspire others to do their best at what they do? Rather than simply challenging others to beat you are you challenging them to be authentic, grow, serve and inspire?
Now if your calling and purpose takes you down a whole new path, doing what no one else has done – AWESOME! Don’t worry about fitting in. There’s one thing that nobody in this world can ever do better than you and that is to be you. Charge down the path, throw yourself into the fray and lead on!
There’s one other aspect I want to mention regarding standing out by fitting in. This problem often shows up in typical performance review systems where everyone is graded on a standard set of criteria. The unintended but clear message is this – “Do what everyone else is doing but do it better than them.” Consider the effects of that message. What does that do for collaboration? What does that do for innovation? What does that do for bringing yourself to your work? Hmmm. Instead of trying to engage people in the organization by getting them to fit it, let’s engage the organization in the individual and let each person be there incredible, brilliant self. Take the lead and show them how it’s done by working to express yourself rather trying to impress them.
Reach higher than superior mediocrity.
Stand out by standing strong in who you are and
living that out in day-to-day magnificence!
Image courtesy of Stuart Miles at FreeDigitalPhotos.net
I had a few minor objections to your post in how certain thing were defined in the examples, hope you don’t mind;
To me and my experience I don’t see having out-competing someone as *a* goal to be at odds with personal growth, inspiration etc., but instead when the goal of out-competing is *to the exclusion of* serving, growth, etc. as a goal it becomes a problem.
I can foresee for example friendly rivalries which would both encourage all the values of the above and still have a competition, *though* more as a second-order thing.
I just thought your phrasing was a bit off there. Have a nice day!